journal fragment (7/12/23):

i am the physical manifestation

of a fear that has existed for generations

a primal, existential fear

which has hidden itself under the guise of pure truth, of gospel

we are the precious lambs with fleece as white as snow!

our sins have been forgiven!

we have been set free!

we are safe now

we know the truth, and we want to share it with you too

we must share it with you, it’s survival

these rules, god’s rules, are survival

this is true faith

we live to die, we live to die, we live to die

hallelujah!

it isn’t in my blood, it is my blood

without it, i wouldn’t be alive

blessed be the name of the lord

blessed be his name

now and forever

amen