journal fragment (4/11/24):

all it takes is skin to skin contact

and just like that, the spell is broken

desire, fear, hate, love, anger, laughter

i remember everything

here i am on my knees

praying for a baptism

shove my head underwater and hold me there

i’ll listen to the sound of his heart

drumming in the darkness once again

before realizing that beating heart belongs to me

seconds will pass & i will begin to lose consciousness

i won’t be afraid

just before it all fades to black

you will pull me out of the depths

i will emerge, coughing and gasping for air

the light will burn my eyes

and it will be beautiful

i choose to wake up