journal fragment (8/9/23):

when i’m there, i feel freer than ever

even though i’m just a spectator, i feel as though i’m part of something

when i’m watching them up there

in all their glittering, incandescent glory

i feel like i’m watching myself

i don’t know quite how to describe it

we’re all connected

spectator, performer

the boundaries that keep us seperate blur

until they eventually fade to nothing

it’s just art

joy, humanity, transcendence, beauty, love

i want to bottle it up and drink it

i want to sink into it and stay there

let it hold me, breathe in sync with it

for now, though, i’ll just let it roll through me

like a wave, like sunshine